It Was Never About You
THERE WILL COME A DAY WHEN YOU TAKE YOUR LAST BREATH.
There is much mystery in this world , but we know that LIFE and DEATH is not one. When you entered this world you knew nothing... not even your name until it was told. You don't know what your tomorrow brings, and you don't know if tomorrow will come.
All you have is what you are in this present moment.
We know that just as you came into this world, there will also come a day when you will leave just the same. Probably a lot more unexpectedly, because you don't typically get a 9 month notice of death. It comes harsh and without warning.
October 28, 2017
On this day my mother took her last breath. Today happens to mark exactly one month since that day. I have gone through a tremendous amount of emotions and I have just now gathered enough strength to really reflect on the reality that I'm facing. I've come to the conclusion that IT SUCKS! I couldn't begin to explain the pain and anger I've felt. There are days that I am so pissed off, days of denial and days of extreme sadness. Some days I search for voicemails just to hear the sound of her voice. Other days I'm fighting back tears from watching random mothers embrace their children in the grocery store. Most days I feel helpless, because there is nothing I can do, but go through the pain of this moment..and it just doesn't seem fair.
BUT IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU
October 28, 2017, I woke up to sing at a funeral. I practiced all week for this moment and the closer the day came the more nervous I felt. I practiced one last time for an audience of my close friends and before I let out the first note, I stopped myself to say to them, "guys I'm so nervous." Then one of them said to me, "you have nothing to be nervous about, It's not about you."
It was such a humbling moment that made me realize that me singing at the funeral was never about me. It wasn't about performing for entertainment and it wasn't about impressing anyone with my vocal ability.
On October 28, 2017
I WAS CHOSEN... in that moment and on that day to be a light and to use my voice as the voice of hope in a seemingly hopeless situation and to be a smile in the midst of sadness.
On October 28, 2017, The same family that I sent my condolences to earlier that day, were the same people by my side wiping away my tears...they were my light.
On October 28, 2017, My mother took her last breath. It was time well spent on Earth. She lived 41 beautiful years of love and laughter and for that, I am thankful. I am thankful to have come to realize that my pain is just apart of the process.
There will come a day that our time comes to an end, so it is important that we live every moment like it is our last. We are given a start and an end date to complete a specific purpose and to leave our mark on this world.
Your life is not your own. You are a gift to the world and whatever you do, let it be a light, let it leave a legacy, and let it be in love.